


lovely

by goldnavy



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Baekhyun - Freeform, Bottom Park Chanyeol, Confused Park Chanyeol, Depression, EXO - Freeform, Fluff, Imagination, M/M, School, Sweet Park Chanyeol, Top Byun Baekhyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-09 14:35:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10414365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldnavy/pseuds/goldnavy
Summary: Dear friend, here we are again pretending to understand how you think your world is ending, sending signals and red flags in waves. It's hard to tell the difference between blood and water these days. I'll pray that one day you see, the only difference between life and dying is one is trying, that's all we're called to do. So try to love me and I'll try to save you





	

Chanyeol always stayed at home on Sundays, the days of his group therapy. He was convinced that it didn’t work and all of them were against him. So he stayed home, on his own, with his friend, Baekhyun. You could say Baekhyun was the light of the house, and Chanyeol was the shadow. Baekhyun knew Chanyeol’s everyday routine, he’d wake up at 5 a.m., he’d stay in bed till 3 p.m., get his guitar at 3.15 p.m., play for a few minutes and come to the living room and go back to bed at 1 a.m. This is how it went everyday, but this Sunday, it was different.

Baekhyun was sitting on the couch watching tv and eating a bowl of cereal at 6 a.m., he looked concentrated at the screen showing funny home videos while he would sometimes crack a smile and laugh. His concentration went from the tv to the sudden footsteps he heard coming from Chanyeol’s room to the living room. The door creaked, and there he stood, the 1.85 meter long giant, with dark circles around his eyes and bed hair. He looked like a zombie. He slumped into the living room and went to sit besides Baekhyun. They said nothing to each other and just kept quiet as Chanyeol was looking at the screen now and Baekhyun was staring at him in utter disbelief. They stayed like that for a few minutes up until Baekhyun decided to break the silence.

“Why are you up so early?” He said in a low voice. Chanyeol didn’t reply and just sighed. He pulled his hoodie up towards his nose and crossed his arms. Baekhyun just guessed he must’ve had a nightmare or attempted last night. The second one was the most obvious one, sadly. Baekhyun tried to get a glance at Chanyeol’s neck, but saw no marks on his neck, so the only two options that were left were either pills or self harm and again, the second one was the most obvious. “Again..?” Baekhyun said, looked over at Chanyeol concerned. “You should maybe think about going to the group therapy today, or just ask your therapist for private therapy.”

“I don’t want to talk about it, you know that. They’re not gonna help me anyway.” Chanyeol said sternly. 

“Please. For me?”

Chanyeol sighed and looked at him with his zombie-like eyes, you could see how tired and worn out he was from probably all of the blood loss. He took a moment and nodded “Fine, just this once. If it doesn’t help, I won’t go anymore.”

“Thank you.” Baekhyun whispered.  
Chanyeol pulled his hoodie down from his face and grabbed the pack of cigarettes from the table, put one between his lips and lit it, breathing in the poisonous smoke. The cloud of smoke descended from his lips and he watched it drifting up to the ceiling with his eyes. He looked back at Baekhyun and gave him his little fake smile that he could recognize every where. He hadn’t had a real smile since forever. “Don’t worry too much about me.” To Baekhyun, those words were just like cobwebs and flies who came out of Chanyeol’s mouth; dusty, dull and meaningless but Baekhyun just nodded and smiled back at him.

An hour had passed and Chanyeol was getting ready to go to his therapy, Baekhyun watched him walking around quietly grabbing his stuff and he just left without saying a word. As soon as Chanyeol left Baekhyun bolted up from the couch and headed straight to Chanyeol’s room. It was filled with all sorts of paper scrambled around, one’s with blood, paper balls and untouched papers. Baekhyun had no other choice to read all of them.

Once Chanyeol arrived at his group's therapy, he just stood outside and looked at the building he hadn’t seen in a few months. He looked down at his watch and realised he had 10 minutes left and again he lit up a cigarette between his lips. He watched as people passed by, all going to the group’s therapy, quite a few new faces. They all looked more alive than he did, they always did. Some other members looked at him while they were walking past, whispering things to each other. And then one of the people that was here longer than he was patted him on the shoulder, taking him out of his own thoughts.

“Hey mate, I haven’t seen you around for long. You’ve been doing better, right? Here to finish it off?” It was Byunghoon, he was a bit younger than Chanyeol and dressed trendy, while Chanyeol was here in an oversized hoodie and sweatpants.

Chanyeol just shook his head, “I wish, my friend made me come here.”

Byunghoon changed his posture, he felt uncomfortable next to Chanyeol now. He had hoped that wasn’t the case. “That Baekhyun fella, right?”

“Yeah, him.”

“Yeah okay, mate, Imma go inside I’ll see you there” Byunghoon left, not giving Chanyeol a chance to say goodbye. Everyone always felt awkward around Chanyeol whenever he mentioned Baekhyun and he never knew why. Chanyeol finished his cigarette and headed inside, the atmosphere changing around him immediately. The walls were white and the floor was grey. You could hear patients, doctors, therapists and family members walking around the building. The doctors and therapists were busy with themselves, exchanging information with one another. Family members were hugging patients tightly, some with balloons and some not; the first one meant they were done with their treatment and for the others it meant that it was their first day here. Chanyeol’s family never showed up for his first day, nor send him a message. He was the disgrace of his family, his parents called him a psychopath, which his sister, later on, started calling him that too. His smaller cousins were afraid of him and his grandparents, uncles and aunts wouldn’t even bat an eye at him. 

Chanyeol went to room 4 and walked in. The heads of everyone turned around towards him. He looked straight as his therapist, who looked quite shocked herself. Chunhwa, 31 years old and had a man. That’s all that Chanyeol knew about her. He never had heard her talk about herself which he found weird, she was collecting all sorts of information from them, while they didn’t even knew her. 

“Chanyeol, you finally came back?” 

“I would like to speak to you in private, Kim Chunhwa..” She sighed and stood up from her seat, walking with Chanyeol to the hallway. Her heels clicked against the floor, sending shivers down Chanyeol’s spine. He hated that sound. She was wearing a short skirt and a button down shirt and wasn’t surprised that most male patients asked her to be their therapist. Chanyeol rather wouldn’t have her as therapist but he had no other choice. He’d rather leave this whole goddamn place.

“Why did you come back?” were by surprise, the first words that came out of Chunhwa’s mouth, not even why Chanyeol wanted to talk to her in private or if he had been okay. Chanyeol put his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants.

“Well, Baekhyun told me to come here again after something that happened last night. And don’t say anything about Baekhyun, I just want to talk about what happened.” Chunhwa always had something to say about Baekhyun but Chanyeol always forgot about them as quick as possible, she hated Baekhyun and he wouldn’t let her be the one who drifted him and Baekhyun apart. Chunhwa sighed and opened her mouth, knowing exactly what she was going to say. “I said I don’t want to talk about Baekhyun.” Chunhwa nodded and sighed.

“What happened last night?” She asked in a soft voice, with a hint of annoyance. Chanyeol lifted his sleeves which revealed deep and bloody cuts on his wrists. Chunhwa took a deep breathe and nodded. “And what was the reason why you did this?”

“I wanted to die.”

“And why?” Chanyeol stopped for a second and just looked at his therapist.

“I felt.. Lonely and empty..”

Chunhwa nodded and looked at her watch “We gotta get back to the group, will you be joining us today?” Chanyeol shook his head “That’s okay, how about we talk again next week? And I’m gonna do it anyway, but please get rid of Baekhyun, you’ve been feeling worse ever since you started seeing him.” Chunhwa looked at him one last time and disappeared around the corner, going back to the group. Chanyeol sighed and went back outside, took one look at the sky and walked back home. 

Once home, Chanyeol found out Baekhyun was nowhere to be found


End file.
